Mom's IVF Post

I'm going to start off this post by saying this may be TMI for some. So whether you want to call this a trigger warning or sensitive post, there ya go...

The last two weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions from being on cloud nine and feeling so blessed to being heartbroken and angry. I think Mike put it best when he said, "When are we going to get a break?!". There have been a lot of tears over the last few days.

We had positive pregnancy tests and confirmed blood test results from the clinic. The embryo had implanted in my uterus and was growing! We were so excited to share the news! 😁 They typically have you come in every few days for blood work. After my second blood test I received a voicemail from the nurse just telling me to call her back. 😢 I already knew my HCG had dropped because she wouldn't leave a voicemail. The doctor said he didn't want to throw in the towel, so he had me continue injections and retest a few days later. Not only do these injections suck but they are 100% worse knowing that you are most likely miscarrying. On Wednesday my third blood test dropped again. It was confirmed. I will miscarry in the next few weeks. 😭

The past 9 months feels like such a waste in our course of secondary infertility. At the beginning of the year we started IVF again, which involved injections and an aspiration surgery (getting my eggs removed). This year my AMH level had increased overall and was even better than 4 years ago. So we were very hopeful when I started off with 26 follicles. We expected the number to drop significantly because we had been through this once before, and that's normal. You have to expect a 50% decrease in the number at each step in the IVF process. For us 26 follicles, led to 14 eggs retrieved, 7 eggs matured, all 7 eggs fertilized, and finally those 7 turned into 5 blastocysts. A blastocyst means that an embryo has grown to about 180 cells (like a microscopic raspberry) and has reached that growth at either Day 5 or Day 6. Those 5 embryos were then tested for chromosomal abnormalities before being frozen. But only one was normal. We found out later that the other four had abnormalities that would have not survived. We spent almost a whole year going through this entire process to have this one embryo transferred and then miscarry. Definitely left us with a feeling of despair.

*****

Assisted Reproductive Technology isn't guaranteed. Typically you'll hear of a 50% success rate and that it takes 3 embryos to make 1 baby. However, there are just too many variables to give anyone true statistics. Even if you start out with only male factor infertility, at some point it always becomes female factor because time is not on your side. There is simply a higher risk of chromosome abnormality with age of the woman's eggs. This is also true for sperm but you won't see many studies done on that. Infertility rates are rising. One in eight couples are affected by infertility in the US; that's about 6.7 million people each year. Did you know that over the last 40 years, sperm counts in men have dropped by nearly 60%? Did you know that ⅓ of infertility cases are caused by male reproductive issues, ⅓ by female reproductive issues, and ⅓ by both.

This is a public post and it's so those that are searching for support can find it. Feel free to PM me. This is too hard to go through alone and in silence. IVF will affect you emotionally, financially, and physically. The injections, procedures, bloodwork, surgeries, miscarriages, stillbirths, and not to mention the long-lasting effects of fertility injections later in life. We go through this because it's worth it in the end. I can vouch for that!

This is "secondary infertility" for us which means we are trying for our second baby. We are so lucky and blessed to have James and for him to be doing so well. For those that have been trying for a long time and those that have lost a baby there are simply no words. Even though we have been through a lot, it is nothing compared to empty arms and I understand that because I've been there. It's definitely important to keep perspective.

I am so thankful for the love and prayers from friends and family. Most importantly grateful for the other IVF warriors that have been my support system of sisters, some of whom I have never met. There are three lovely ladies I've been in contact with who had transfers just days around mine and they are all pregnant. I am truly overjoyed for them as they all deserve to be mothers. Our journey isn't over just yet, we have some decisions to make over the next few months.

Thanks for reading my therapeutic journal entry. ❤️